This article was produced in collaboration with Court Watch , an independent outlet that unearths overlooked court records.
Chicago man Nikko D’Ambrosio is suing 27 women, one man, 20 different parts of the Facebook corporation, Meta, Patreon, GoFundMe, and the website arewedatingthesame.com, claiming that they’re responsible for damages incurred when women posted online about alleged negative experiences they had on dates with him in an “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook group.
There are hundreds of “Are We Dating the Same Guy” groups on Facebook for major cities around the world, and a standalone website that acts as a searchable database for finding or adding entries about dates with men and women. In the Facebook groups—the first of which started in 2022 in New York City—people post someone’s name or image and “any tea or red flags?” and others can respond with their experiences with that person.
In D’Ambrosio’s case, according to his complaint, women used the Chicago “Are We Dating the Same Guy” Facebook group to say he’s “clingy” and “ghosted” them after sleeping with them. “He’s been posted here before. The poster said he sent her a slew of texts calling her names because she didn’t want to spend the night with him,” one commenter said of him, according to screenshots from the group included as exhibits in the complaint. Another commenter called him a “psycho.”
According to the complaint, he and the woman who originally posted about him “met organically at a cultural event in Chicago, Illinois and briefly communicated with one another. Plaintiff and Defendant engaged in consensual sexual intercourse on the evening they first met. The parties spent brief periods of time together on a handful of occasions which were unremarkable. The parties never engaged in an exclusive dating relationship.”
“The defendants broadcast their outrageous, cruel, and malicious lies about the plaintiff with knowledge that the statements were false or with reckless disregard as whether or not they were true,” the complaint states.
D’Ambrosio filed his complaint on Monday in the District Court for the Northern District of Illinois, and is claiming one count each of defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy by false light, civil liability for doxxing, misappropriation, unjust enrichment, and public disclosure of private facts. He requests a trial by jury.
💡 Do you have any experience with "Have I Dated the Same" groups, either as a user or someone who was posted in one? I would love to hear from you. Using a non-work device, you can message me securely on Signal at +1 646 926 1726. Otherwise, send me an email at [email protected].
He claims that the defendants “specifically intended to cause Plaintiff harm,” according to the complaint, and that their “wrongful conduct is so outrageous in character and so extreme in degree that it is beyond all possible bounds of decency and is to be regarded as atrocious and utterly intolerable in a civilized community. Defendants carried out their defamatory statements with actual malice, as they knew that the accusations they were making were false or otherwise published them with reckless disregard for the truth.”
D’Ambrosio claims that he has “suffered and will continue to suffer significant general, actual, consequential, and special damages including, without limitation, impairment of reputation and standing in the community, personal humiliation, mental anguish and suffering, emotional distress, stress, anxiety, lost earnings, and other pecuniary loss.”
The Are We Dating the Same website says it’s “designed for both guys and gals to report and learn about individuals they encounter on dating websites, and helps “men to discover information about women, and for women to gain insights into men’s profiles.” According to a GoFundMe set up by AWDTS founder Paola Sanchez last year to raise money to develop an app and support administrators of the Facebook groups, the groups on Facebook have a collective 3.5 million members and are run by 600 moderators. The groups have been criticized by both men and women , because the claims made about people are difficult to verify, or could endanger victims of abuse.
At the same time, their popularity illustrates a real anxiety about safety in modern online dating. According to a 2019 survey by ProPublica , 31 percent of women reported “being sexually assaulted or raped by someone they had met through an online dating site.”
Requests for comment from several admins and moderators of the groups on Facebook haven’t been answered.
Trent Law Firm, which is representing D’Ambrosio, told 404 Media that it’s seeking “similarly situated victims.”
“Trent Law Firm firmly believes that the evidence will show that our client is a victim of a systemic attack against his reputation for the sole purpose of monetary enrichment,” a spokesperson for the firm said.
“This group is a place for women to protect, support, and empower other women,” the Chicago group, and other official AWDTSG groups’ descriptions state. Each group has a similar, length list of rules, including a rule section called “No Libel, Defamation or Copyright Infringement” which says to be prepared “to show proof of anything you state about any individual” and warns that users post at their own risk. “If you don't have any proof of allegations you make against someone posted in this group, you are in danger of being sued for libel and/or defamation,” the rules state.
“This group is about protecting and empowering women. Not judging men. We do not allow mean spirited or judgmental comments based on a guy’s looks, age, or occupation, nor do we allow anything posted solely to make fun of anyone. For the safety of others, do not screenshot or share anything you see in this group,” the rules say. “We have very strict rules on showing anything from this group to anyone outside of this group, as well as speaking about this group publicly. Anyone caught violating these rules will be banned. We do our best to keep this space as safe as we can, but we can't guarantee that something said in the group won't be leaked by another member. Please be mentally prepared for the possibility that things you say here may get back to who you wrote about.