So naturally, House Republicans spent Wednesday passionately defending something else that they warned could decide the fate of Christmas itself: milk.
“We want only the most nutritional option for Santa,” Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) argued on the House floor.
Santa Claus needs to drink whole milk “to travel the whole globe in one night,” she said, perhaps confusing the effects of dairy with amphetamines.
While her concerns about Santa’s muscles may be real, Foxx was actually making the case for passing a bill to allow whole milk back into school lunch programs.
When one Democrat suggested that soy milk would be a better, more easily digestible option in schools than whole milk, Foxx scoffed.
“It isn’t milk, so you can’t call it soy milk.
It was clear, even amid their jokes about this udderly ridiculous debate, that Republicans were determined to defend whole milk in this battle against, well, scientific evidence. »
