Children agree not to get abducted after 8 PM so Amber Alert doesn’t wake anyone up

Authored by and submitted by havetothinkaboutit

TORONTO – After receiving numerous complaints about Canada’s Amber Alert system that is activated day or night, the nation’s children have agreed to restrict their abduction times between the hours of 8 AM to 8 PM local time.

“I’ll just tell my estranged father who I haven’t seen in years and threatened to kill my mom that the kidnapping will have to wait until the morning,” said a 7-year-old. “Boy, my face would be pretty red if I woke up a businessman or a retailer. They have some important work to do in the morning.”

The youngsters expressed remorse that they did not consider the grown-ups who still don’t know how to put their phones on silent or turn them off entirely.

“We’ve been very inconsiderate, and we’re really sorry,” said a ten-year-old. “I’m sure a child predator would be more than understanding about a curfew that I have.”

The Society for the Adult Survivors of Inconvenient Amber Alerts took to Twitter to thank the children, but made more demands about future alerts and kidnappings.

“We’re happy that these alerts are finally considering the real victims,” read the tweet. “But kids shouldn’t be kidnapped in weekends or holidays either.”

At press time, 911 dispatchers were too busy dealing with assholes instead of a fire.

Voltrondemort on July 11st, 2019 at 14:58 UTC »

1) If you're in charge of sending out broadcasts to every person in Ontario and you're not qualified to convert it into French for the first message, then you're not qualified to do your own job and should be replaced by somebody bilingual.

2) Government needs to invest in improving this system to properly use the cellular emergency broadcast system properly, instead of blasting out amber alerts at the top-tier severity every time. The current approach creates alert fatigue and that will result in lives lost when a truly critical alert for an event that threatens hundreds of lives needs to go out.

wickedplayer494 on July 11st, 2019 at 13:08 UTC »

If only Pelmorex and the CRTC respected the GSM/3GPP spec.

Tederator on July 11st, 2019 at 12:57 UTC »

I am more interested in the timeline of this whole thing. The guy was last seen at 3pm with the kids. Soooo, when is he reported late getting back...8? 9? Then the cops are called, they give him until...midnight?

At what point do they decide to issue the alert and how long does it take to get to the phones? The time from issuing the alert to reaching the phones shouldn't take too long or else there is little point in using them from natural disasters like fires, tornadoes or even nuclear missiles.

So why did they decide at 3am that they should make the call?