Judges deliberate whether I was "Abused Enough" to remove myself and child from home. : legaladvice

2007: BF and I have child. BF refuses to sign birth certificate because he doesn't want to be held financially responsible for her. 16 year old me is 16 and dumb and to happy about our little family to notice the wrongness there.

For the next 5 years bf goes off the hinges and is severely mentally, physically, and sexually abusive.

It gets to the point where our daughter is old enough to realize whats happening and begins to defend me.

It got to the point where our little 4 year jumped in front of me like a shield and starts screaming and kicking out at him. I realized we needed to get out of there.

I talk to a few lawyers and they all advise that I can leave without any custody issues.

Cut to the day I'm leaving:

I've got two options, I can go to an abuse shelter that is 1 mile away from bf parents house or I can get on a flight to my mom. I chose mom.

I called up to my local Police department and the conversation goes as follows.

ME: My name is Mykeeetsaa, I reside at (location) my child's name is Mykeeetsaa 2.0 and your about to get call from my BF stating that I kidnapped her.

I inform the officer that BF and I are not married, he is not on the Birth Certificate, and there has never been any custody orders in place.

I inform P.O that I will be leaving to my mother in SC and that in aprox. 2 hours when BF wakes up, he will call saying that his child was kidnapped.

I informed PO that I would be at LAX for the next 9 hours waiting for my plane and I ask PO if I would be stopped and arrested, and if what I'm doing is in fact "kidnapping"

PO informs me that no, I am not kidnapping and that they will not pursue any charges against me for leaving the state with her, and that I am free to go.

Once I arrive safely to my mom's house in SC I have her call BF to inform him that we arrived and are safe and that he can talk to his daughter whenever he wants.

I send him a certified letter with return receipt as advised by an attorney, letting him know where I am and why I felt it was necessary to leave.

I then immediately try to establish custody and am told that since I am the only parent listed on the Birth Certificate I already have "Sole Custody" and therefor cannot bring an action to establish custody, unless I wanted child support, which I did not.

BF and I continue to talk for over a year, he is rarely concerned with our child and just wants me to come back. Things go sour, like calling me 24 times day while I'm at work or school, threatening to harm my family if I don't return, and so on and so on. We break off direct contact, however he still can call my mom if he wanted to talk to our daughter.

During that year unbeknownst to me he has also been working custody proceeding's in CA.

Here's the kicker though, he never informs me of any of it, not by phone or mail or anything. He then convinces the Family Court judge that he doesn't know where I'm at and is unable to locate me, ALTHOUGH on the very first page of the custody documents he writes in my current address. Somehow the judge never noticed this and allowed him to post a notice of hearing in the CA court house, which since I now live in a Different State is completely wrong and improper.

Since I never knew about any of this, I never showed for any hearings and BF got full custody of our child.

He then files a complaint with the D. A. saying he hasn't spoken to his child in over 4 years and has no idea where I have taken her, and he cant locate us... blah blah blah.

Police arrive at my home at 4 am and arrest me, I'm held for 12 days without an attorney or anything awaiting extradition back to CA.

Meanwhile he then tries to fly out while I'm locked up and take custody of our child. My mom thankfully gets involved to stop officers from handing her over to this horrible man who absolutely does not care for her and has not visited her once.

CPS gets involved and they take her instead.

I finally get to CA and am handed a restraining order against my own child. I can't even speak to her over the phone.

I eventually get a hearing in front of the Judge that issued custody and present evidence (certified mail receipt, phone logs, ect.) to him. He is furious and rescinds the order. (Daughter is still in custody of CPS though back in SC. So at this point neither of us parents have custody)

D.A. however does not care at all, and still want's to pursue criminal charges.

For the next year I have to fly, drive, and bus myself to my Criminal hearing in CA and then back to SC for CPS hearings.

Our daughter is put through intensive therapy and is berated with questioning as to what happened and as to whether I "coached " her all these years.

At preliminaries the Judge finally agreed to 995 dismissal. I got full custody of my daughter back, but the D.A. appealed the dismissal, and basically flat out lied and hid evidence at the Court of Appeals Oral Argument. What is typically a 30 minute hearing went on for an hour, where a bunch of men got together to deliberate, "Whether or not I was abused enough to warrant a good faith claim for my leaving." I. Kid. You. Not.

They still have 60 days to issue their decision, but based on the audio of the hearing I feel like I already know what it is.

This horrible nightmare is going back to trial and I feel like a sitting duck right now, and no one is telling me anything, as to what I should be doing to get prepared for this.

You hear so many stories of woman in abusive relationships, and the question always asked "Why didn't she leave sooner?" Well folks this is why. They literally asked whether or not I was abused enough.

After I left I did everything right. I never once looked at myself as a victim. I looked at myself as a mother. I imminently got a decent job, got my own car, apartment, got my G.E.D., enrolled myself into college. My daughter had the best care that I could possibly give her. And they took her away with out any reason, and I'm terrified that they will do it again.

Since all of this between bail, hiring an attorney, and getting back and fourth from SC to CA I'm in 20k debt, I longer have the means to afford my own place so my daughter and I share 1 room in my mom's apartment, and College is on an indefinite hold.

My daughter who was the happiest, most caring person ever, now no longer trusts anybody and hates the world. She is prone to anxiety and over thinks and questions every single little thing that happens in her little world.

The only thing I have going for me is a decent job which I will most definitely lose if I have to go back to jail/trial.

What can I do to make sure that I don't lose my child, and stop all of this madness?

Boyfriend lied; got custody without my knowledge; lied some more; had me arrested; child taken away; life in ruins; BF doesn't even care about child.