ALRIGHTY-ROO, once again this thing known as the “penis facial” is back in the headlines. It’s a head-scratcher, a complete and utter what-the-fuck, and a very real facial treatment Underworld star Kate Beckinsale just started using.
Cast your minds back to March of this year and you might remember that one fateful day Cate Blanchett introduced the world to the “penis facial”. The actor had received the treatment with ol’ mate Sandra Bullock from celebrity facialist Georgia Louise.
Speaking to Vogue Australia at the time, Blanchett said: “she gives what we call the penis facial and it’s something – I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just ’cause it smells a bit like sperm – there’s some enzyme in it so Sandy refers to it as the penis facial.”
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As it turns out, the treatment is actually called the Hollywood EGF (Epidermal Growth Factor) and – according to Louise – “is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin – which helps to generate collagen and elastin.”
How one came upon this discovery? I don’t know. And, I don’t want to know.
So now, Beckinsale has hopped on the “penis facial” bandwagon she revealed in an Instagram post last week.
“After a long flight I do like to lie down and be covered in a mask of liquified cloned foreskins-frankly who doesn’t?” she wrote.
“Thank you @georgialouisek for an amazing facial. I especially liked you reassuring me it would be ‘light on penis’ as it was my first time x.”
I mean, it looks like it’s working.
Anywhoo, wanna know how much a “penis facial” costs? USD $650 for the one hour and 20 minute treatment.
Chatting to PeopleStyle, Louise said she thought up the treatment “last year when Sandra Bullock was filming in New York City and came to see me for a deep cleansing and long-lasting facial glow.”
“I have text threads which would blow your mind from celebs, asking for the ‘penis treatment’ all the time now.”
gorillagrape on November 27th, 2018 at 14:53 UTC »
Why in the world does it have to be Korean babies?
Easygreenwood on November 27th, 2018 at 13:18 UTC »
Best real article in a while. Excess money really fucks with your mind I guess - they figure there just has to be a solution to aging and it will be weird and expensive. Why not use liquified pig embryos? $150 for a treatment. I guess that treatment is for us poor reddit folk. Or, even cheaper, just rub baby shit on your face. But it must be from a baby that is breast feeding naturally. Here's the business model : you sign up local young families so that the shit is locally grown. If the mothers are vegan and all organic that's a premium fee. Also local shit is better because it will have pollen from local plants and help reduce allergies. Anyhow - you have a pick up service that families pay very little for. A repackaging process - may mix in some minerals for freshness - then charge for deliveries of shit capsules or drink mix.
Ainsley-Sorsby on November 27th, 2018 at 13:05 UTC »
The title doesn't quite capture the full oniones tho. Its actually liquified cloned korean baby foreskins