I can't go to haunted houses, I have this heart condition called "being a lil' bitch."

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image showing I can't go to haunted houses, I have this heart condition called "being a lil' bitch."

notokaycj on September 28th, 2017 at 14:00 UTC »

If you liked this joke in text form, you're gonna love it in video form.

That's right people, not ALL standupshots are just tweets the poster wrote last night and never said on stage. Just most of them.

Speaking of Tweets, you can look at my Twitter over here this-a-way if you're really insistent on the whole "text form" thing.

bluesoul on September 28th, 2017 at 14:45 UTC »

Hey man, I just want to say it's been a pleasure to see your jokes evolve over the last few years. At the risk of shitting on your older jokes, you've really improved as a comic.

jtflint on September 28th, 2017 at 14:59 UTC »

Start charging to use the restroom like they do in Tijuana, maybe there will be less blood. Maybe maybe not.