Your parents don't believe in vaccinations, so sorry if I think the odds of you becoming an astronaut are more nonexistent than your immune system, Skyler.
Just found out some people oppose vaccinations for religious reasons. Being pro-life and anti-immunization is like saying, "Why kill my baby when I can let some archaic disease do it for me?"
Whenever someone posts a picture of their new baby on Facebook, I always wait 5 years before liking it to make sure them becoming a parent is something worth celebrating.
PS. For more jokes, my twitter and Instagram, and for tour dates, my website. Sorry for the shameless plugs, but for a mostly unknown like me it's kinda my bread and butter. Thanks!
.
EDIT: I've been accused of buying upvotes for a while now. These accusations started after I posted some Trump jokes, and some folks couldn't fathom how anyone would like them, so assumed I had to be buying support. I never addressed these allegations because I know the argument will just go
"You're buying upvotes!"
"No I'm not"
"A ha! That's exactly what someone buying upvotes would say!"
There's been no actual evidence offered of me buying upvotes given, and when asked, accusers say, "Well how can he get so many upvotes otherwise?"
I'll explain:
Humor is subjective. It's fine if you don't like me. I don't like a lot of things. Cilantro is a devil herb It's surprisingly easy to get to the top of this sub. Less than 10 posts are submitted a day. When I posted this morning, it was immediately at the #2 spot, and the #1 spot had already been up for 24 hours. This sub has over 250,000 members, so it's easy to get a lot of visibility in a short amount of time. u/TimisWin explained it best: "There's a handful of us who have been consistently posting here for a few years. Geoff is one of them. When someone like James or Geoff or Nat or myself or a number of others post, regular users of this sub recognize the thumbnail. Because we have a rapport with the community they'll be more inclined to check out a joke and upvote it. It's a result of being regular contributors who interact with the community. It's not like there's a tangible monetary benefit to the "self promotion" here. We're not booking shows with our karma. Those of us who have stuck around and continue posting do so because we enjoy sharing our jokes and interacting with this community. It's fun for us. We aren't a pack of slick haired salesman offering a pitch. We're just a bunch of comics using a medium to connect with other human beings. Geoff doesn't buy bots. Nat doesn't buy bots. They're just a part of this internet community and because of that the users are defensive of them and disdainful of online "hecklers" who are trying to ruin others good time."
I know this won't change the accusers' minds. There's no evidence, but once you believe in something, it's nearly impossible to dissuade them. I'm only addressing this now because "IT'S THIS FUCKING GUY WHO BUYS UPVOTES" has dominated this thread, and I want everyone to get back to what we should really be talking about and enjoying... DEAD CHILDREN
NatBaimel on June 24th, 2017 at 14:16 UTC »
Your parents don't believe in vaccinations, so sorry if I think the odds of you becoming an astronaut are more nonexistent than your immune system, Skyler.
Just found out some people oppose vaccinations for religious reasons. Being pro-life and anti-immunization is like saying, "Why kill my baby when I can let some archaic disease do it for me?"
Whenever someone posts a picture of their new baby on Facebook, I always wait 5 years before liking it to make sure them becoming a parent is something worth celebrating.
PS. For more jokes, my twitter and Instagram, and for tour dates, my website. Sorry for the shameless plugs, but for a mostly unknown like me it's kinda my bread and butter. Thanks!
.
EDIT: I've been accused of buying upvotes for a while now. These accusations started after I posted some Trump jokes, and some folks couldn't fathom how anyone would like them, so assumed I had to be buying support. I never addressed these allegations because I know the argument will just go
"You're buying upvotes!"
"No I'm not"
"A ha! That's exactly what someone buying upvotes would say!"
There's been no actual evidence offered of me buying upvotes given, and when asked, accusers say, "Well how can he get so many upvotes otherwise?"
I'll explain:
Humor is subjective. It's fine if you don't like me. I don't like a lot of things. Cilantro is a devil herb It's surprisingly easy to get to the top of this sub. Less than 10 posts are submitted a day. When I posted this morning, it was immediately at the #2 spot, and the #1 spot had already been up for 24 hours. This sub has over 250,000 members, so it's easy to get a lot of visibility in a short amount of time. u/TimisWin explained it best: "There's a handful of us who have been consistently posting here for a few years. Geoff is one of them. When someone like James or Geoff or Nat or myself or a number of others post, regular users of this sub recognize the thumbnail. Because we have a rapport with the community they'll be more inclined to check out a joke and upvote it. It's a result of being regular contributors who interact with the community. It's not like there's a tangible monetary benefit to the "self promotion" here. We're not booking shows with our karma. Those of us who have stuck around and continue posting do so because we enjoy sharing our jokes and interacting with this community. It's fun for us. We aren't a pack of slick haired salesman offering a pitch. We're just a bunch of comics using a medium to connect with other human beings. Geoff doesn't buy bots. Nat doesn't buy bots. They're just a part of this internet community and because of that the users are defensive of them and disdainful of online "hecklers" who are trying to ruin others good time."I know this won't change the accusers' minds. There's no evidence, but once you believe in something, it's nearly impossible to dissuade them. I'm only addressing this now because "IT'S THIS FUCKING GUY WHO BUYS UPVOTES" has dominated this thread, and I want everyone to get back to what we should really be talking about and enjoying... DEAD CHILDREN
James_LaFleur on June 24th, 2017 at 15:30 UTC »
So much child death.
Sororita on June 24th, 2017 at 16:15 UTC »
Dark humor is best humor.