I’m so sorry. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. It helped me that I had some audio of my dad’s voice. Maybe consider recording (video and/or audio) you asking him questions about his childhood, or things about when you were growing up that you would’ve been too young to understand. Be sure to tell him how much you love him.
TLDR: My dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and is in decline while in hospice. I've primarily been the person taking care of him, and it's been rough. I've been really appreciative for all the help that I have gotten from the support around me. This has just been a crazy roller coaster.
February of 2025 my dad, who has been an alcoholic my entire adult life (34 years) had a seizure and needed to be rushed to the hospital. He was there for a couple days because the doctors wanted to run some additional tests on him. Come to find out that he was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. I immediately contacted my family including my brothers, Uncle, Aunt, and cousin to let them know what was going on. My older brother flew up, some family came to the hospital to come see him, and he didn't seem to be too phased by the news. I had already been the individual taking care of my dad for a while. He has been on social security and Medicaid for almost a decade now, lives in a low income apartment, and doesn't understand the responsibility of having to pay bills. There is a lot of trauma and past drama between him and I that I really don't feel like dumping here, but let's just say he hasn't been the best father. November of 2024 he'd decided to get clean and stop drinking. For the few months that he was happy going to meetings made me so proud to see him like that. Then he got that news, and I wasn't going to him go through this alone.
The doctor told us how it was going to work. He would start on one type of treatment and that would eventually stop working and then start another treatment. That would also eventually stop working. The goal before both of those were to happen was to get shrinkage in the tumor and hope for surgery. He gave us a percentages which were already pretty low, but we were trying to stay positive and stick with the regiment. We got him on a diet, was getting exercise with him, and a nurse even gave him a Chihuahua puppy to keep him company around his apartment. Every other Monday we would go to his infusion appointment in the morning and spend the morning together. Just chatting about future plans. He will talk about wanting to go fishing with his grandkids, barbecue in the park wants the weather would get warm, and spend the holidays with the family. He seemed to be doing great for a few months, until just about fall of 2025. When is cancer progressed to stage 4, it's like my dad gave up. He started drinking again, letting addicts stay in his apartment and contracted a pest issue with cockroaches and bed bugs. I was so angry. I wanted to just scream at him because he turned back into the man that I had always saw him as. My mom passed a little over a decade ago very suddenly, so this has been a completely different experience as to how losing a parent was previously. She always told me that my dad was not a bad person, but that he had a sickness that he would let get the best of him, and I kept reminding myself of that. That. I did not want to leave him alone in this space and I swore that I would help him all the way through.
Come to May of this year. I was on vacation when my dad was rushed to the hospital because his hemoglobin was so low. He spent his birthday in the hospital and by the time I got back I had already looked at his MyChart and saw what had happened. The second treatment stopped working and is tumors were growing again. That meant it was time to move him to hospice. Since then it's been crazy how quickly he has declined. It's been so much more work and I don't have the resources alone to deal with this. I've had a great support around me though. Luckily. I hardly get sick so I have a lot of sick time built up in my job. Has been fine with me taking him to infusion and promises to continue to give me any support that they need. The hospice staff have been very helpful with this as well, but it seems to be happening so fast. I've had to start feeding him because he's too weak to get to the fridge. We've had to put diapers on him because he keeps having accidents in the bed. He feels so ashamed and refuses to ask for help. I was smart enough to get me to be his power of attorney for his medical and his financial fiduciary, so I'm able to help with making decisions with what to do next. He's been falling the last couple days, and Saturday I had to call the police to get access to his apartment cuz he couldn't get to the door and I thought he was dead. I don't know how much longer he's going to be around or what's going to happen, but I'm trying to stay positive and be happy that I have the time that I do with him. I'm trying to let go of all the resentment, the anger, and just let him be at peace. I don't want him to feel like he wasn't loved.
Sorry, dump over. Cancer sucks.
Edit: Sorry for all the grammatical errors. I talk-to-texted the second draft because I accidentally closed out of my app in the middle of my swapping mid type.
![image showing [OC] Helping my dad in hospice through his last days.](61fe419b-782f-5926-a35c-e9b68ca6f6e4.jpg)
usedtobesideshow on July 21st, 2026 at 22:22 UTC »
Stay strong friend. I know this is unbearably hard.
loztriforce on July 21st, 2026 at 22:27 UTC »
I’m so sorry. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. It helped me that I had some audio of my dad’s voice. Maybe consider recording (video and/or audio) you asking him questions about his childhood, or things about when you were growing up that you would’ve been too young to understand. Be sure to tell him how much you love him.
sk8rznvrquit on July 21st, 2026 at 23:07 UTC »
TLDR: My dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and is in decline while in hospice. I've primarily been the person taking care of him, and it's been rough. I've been really appreciative for all the help that I have gotten from the support around me. This has just been a crazy roller coaster.
February of 2025 my dad, who has been an alcoholic my entire adult life (34 years) had a seizure and needed to be rushed to the hospital. He was there for a couple days because the doctors wanted to run some additional tests on him. Come to find out that he was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. I immediately contacted my family including my brothers, Uncle, Aunt, and cousin to let them know what was going on. My older brother flew up, some family came to the hospital to come see him, and he didn't seem to be too phased by the news. I had already been the individual taking care of my dad for a while. He has been on social security and Medicaid for almost a decade now, lives in a low income apartment, and doesn't understand the responsibility of having to pay bills. There is a lot of trauma and past drama between him and I that I really don't feel like dumping here, but let's just say he hasn't been the best father. November of 2024 he'd decided to get clean and stop drinking. For the few months that he was happy going to meetings made me so proud to see him like that. Then he got that news, and I wasn't going to him go through this alone.
The doctor told us how it was going to work. He would start on one type of treatment and that would eventually stop working and then start another treatment. That would also eventually stop working. The goal before both of those were to happen was to get shrinkage in the tumor and hope for surgery. He gave us a percentages which were already pretty low, but we were trying to stay positive and stick with the regiment. We got him on a diet, was getting exercise with him, and a nurse even gave him a Chihuahua puppy to keep him company around his apartment. Every other Monday we would go to his infusion appointment in the morning and spend the morning together. Just chatting about future plans. He will talk about wanting to go fishing with his grandkids, barbecue in the park wants the weather would get warm, and spend the holidays with the family. He seemed to be doing great for a few months, until just about fall of 2025. When is cancer progressed to stage 4, it's like my dad gave up. He started drinking again, letting addicts stay in his apartment and contracted a pest issue with cockroaches and bed bugs. I was so angry. I wanted to just scream at him because he turned back into the man that I had always saw him as. My mom passed a little over a decade ago very suddenly, so this has been a completely different experience as to how losing a parent was previously. She always told me that my dad was not a bad person, but that he had a sickness that he would let get the best of him, and I kept reminding myself of that. That. I did not want to leave him alone in this space and I swore that I would help him all the way through.
Come to May of this year. I was on vacation when my dad was rushed to the hospital because his hemoglobin was so low. He spent his birthday in the hospital and by the time I got back I had already looked at his MyChart and saw what had happened. The second treatment stopped working and is tumors were growing again. That meant it was time to move him to hospice. Since then it's been crazy how quickly he has declined. It's been so much more work and I don't have the resources alone to deal with this. I've had a great support around me though. Luckily. I hardly get sick so I have a lot of sick time built up in my job. Has been fine with me taking him to infusion and promises to continue to give me any support that they need. The hospice staff have been very helpful with this as well, but it seems to be happening so fast. I've had to start feeding him because he's too weak to get to the fridge. We've had to put diapers on him because he keeps having accidents in the bed. He feels so ashamed and refuses to ask for help. I was smart enough to get me to be his power of attorney for his medical and his financial fiduciary, so I'm able to help with making decisions with what to do next. He's been falling the last couple days, and Saturday I had to call the police to get access to his apartment cuz he couldn't get to the door and I thought he was dead. I don't know how much longer he's going to be around or what's going to happen, but I'm trying to stay positive and be happy that I have the time that I do with him. I'm trying to let go of all the resentment, the anger, and just let him be at peace. I don't want him to feel like he wasn't loved.
Sorry, dump over. Cancer sucks.
Edit: Sorry for all the grammatical errors. I talk-to-texted the second draft because I accidentally closed out of my app in the middle of my swapping mid type.