Drunken man poops on PT Cruiser, tells hospital staff his blood will be ‘Pure. Natural. Ice.’

KALAMAZOO COUNTY, MI – Conservation officers with the Michigan Department of Natural Resources recently had an encounter that is hard to believe.

And it involves a PT Cruiser, owls, poop and Natural Ice.

According to an official DNR report, the bizarre incident occurred in early-December at the Gourdneck State Game Area in Kalamazoo County when conservation officers Cameron Wright and Joshua Salas came across a PT Cruiser parked at one of the entrances.

The man in the vehicle said he parked there to listen to the owls and that he wanted to be left alone, but the COs noticed an opened tall container of Natural Ice beer in the cup holder.

They then asked the man on a scale of 1 to 10 how drunk he was, and he responded with, “I’m at a 5. I’ll be honest I’m drunk,” according to the report.

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Based on the response the officers began conducting sobriety tests, but partway through the man made a face of shock, grabbed his rear, dropped his pants to his ankles and began defecating on the rear bumper of his PT Cruiser.

He was arrested and was taken to the hospital for a blood draw. On the way there, the man noticed that CO Wright was using his GPS and said, “Man, I’m the drunk one here and I have to give you directions on how to take me to jail you moron.”

During the blood draw, the man also mentioned that the nurses were not drawing his blood, but instead said, “It’s all beer. Not going to lie to you. Pure. Natural. Ice.”

The man was lodged in the Kalamazoo County Jail and charges were submitted to the prosecutor’s office for review.

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