It's been 14 years. And that gut punch still hits me regularly. She was only 17.
This is a good representation. It just feels like there is this huge gulf of pain inside. I had an amazing counselor who told me that it would never go away, I will just get better at carrying the weight of it. She was right.
But some days, someone will say something or I will come across a picture or I will hear a song and it overwhelms me. Again.
It's okay to learn to live with constant grief. I have other children, grandchildren, friends and family who I also love. But it's okay to rage against it sometimes too, because it hurts and still feels so unfair.
Lost my son at 23 to suicide and can confirm that this is exactly how I feel most days. It has been just over 2 years and I still feel as hollow and empty today as the moment I got the phone call from my daughter telling me that her mom and her had just found him.
I was almost 1,000 miles away and had to make that painful drive home. My sister was on my route home so she was with me for the last 2/3 of the trip but that didn't really matter to me. I sat in near complete silence with the only sound being that of the road and my own heartbeat.
There is a giant lit up cross at the base of the mountain where he and his friend ended their lives. Unfortunately every time I have to go from my remote location into the city for supplies I must pass that thing ... or take a 2 hour detour to avoid it. Every single time I have to go by it I am taken back to that day.
Like many, I have lost. I have lost my dad when I was 6, mom to murder when I was 21, and most of my aunts and uncles but none of them compare to the loss of my son. My brother and I are who found my mom's brutally beaten and strangled body ... and yet those memories are nothing in comparison to seeing my child's lifeless body on a cold steel table.
To my fellow redditors that are also parents or will become parents ... talk to your children and listen to what they are saying but most importantly ... listen to what they are not saying ... you might just save their life.
CliodhnasSong on November 7th, 2021 at 08:33 UTC »
It's been 14 years. And that gut punch still hits me regularly. She was only 17.
This is a good representation. It just feels like there is this huge gulf of pain inside. I had an amazing counselor who told me that it would never go away, I will just get better at carrying the weight of it. She was right.
But some days, someone will say something or I will come across a picture or I will hear a song and it overwhelms me. Again.
It's okay to learn to live with constant grief. I have other children, grandchildren, friends and family who I also love. But it's okay to rage against it sometimes too, because it hurts and still feels so unfair.
What a beautiful and tragic piece of art.
GloomyImagination365 on November 7th, 2021 at 12:54 UTC »
This is accurate, especially missing the lungs, as I find it hard to breathe when I think of my son whom I lost 3 years ago on 11/08/18.
GeekTX on November 7th, 2021 at 14:40 UTC »
Lost my son at 23 to suicide and can confirm that this is exactly how I feel most days. It has been just over 2 years and I still feel as hollow and empty today as the moment I got the phone call from my daughter telling me that her mom and her had just found him.
I was almost 1,000 miles away and had to make that painful drive home. My sister was on my route home so she was with me for the last 2/3 of the trip but that didn't really matter to me. I sat in near complete silence with the only sound being that of the road and my own heartbeat.
There is a giant lit up cross at the base of the mountain where he and his friend ended their lives. Unfortunately every time I have to go from my remote location into the city for supplies I must pass that thing ... or take a 2 hour detour to avoid it. Every single time I have to go by it I am taken back to that day.
Like many, I have lost. I have lost my dad when I was 6, mom to murder when I was 21, and most of my aunts and uncles but none of them compare to the loss of my son. My brother and I are who found my mom's brutally beaten and strangled body ... and yet those memories are nothing in comparison to seeing my child's lifeless body on a cold steel table.
To my fellow redditors that are also parents or will become parents ... talk to your children and listen to what they are saying but most importantly ... listen to what they are not saying ... you might just save their life.