Our friend is buying his first home today, so we worked with his realtor to be sure this is the first thing waiting for him in his kitchen after closing.
Inside the box is a new chef's knife (he likes to cook), and this is what the card says:
I see you've embarked on the perilous journey of home ownership, but fret not. You are not on this journey alone. I've actually been living in this condo the entire time, lying in wait, biding my time for the right Alpha to take his rightful place in the master bedroom.
That master is now you, James. Become the master you were born to be. It may seem like a lot of pressure to some, but I love pressure. I eat it for breakfast. I once ate hard boiled eggs from a pressure cooker for breakfast, got bored, and ate the pressure cooker too.
Some day, I may not be around anymore, but even then you'll have my 8 inch long, cold, hard Japanese steel, ready to wield against any foe, carrot, or pitted fruit that dares cross your path.
Please accept this gift and hide me behind your shower curtain for future guests to encounter.
InflatableRegret on June 4th, 2021 at 12:33 UTC »
Inside the box is a new chef's knife (he likes to cook), and this is what the card says:
MusicallyDopeDope on June 4th, 2021 at 13:11 UTC »
We had a cardboard Buddy the Elf displayed in our apartment foyer many years ago.
When it was time to end our lease, the lady who did the final walkthrough left a note on our kitchen counter with something like…
“All looks well, we will be mailing your deposit. P.S. The life-sized Elf startled the crap out of me!”
Denny_204 on June 4th, 2021 at 13:13 UTC »
NOT THE FEES!!