I'd be a good frog. I'd hop on lily pads, but not too much so that I am not eaten. My tongue would be super long and I'd use it to impress female frogs. I'd make eating frog legs a sexual thing within my fellow frog community. Eventually I'd be a king. Nothing too big. Maybe a bog or a swamp. But it would smell nice. You can join. We can be frog friends.
"Alright, now you drink it too." Jesse tossed the bottle to Jay, which he fumbled and nearly dropped the whole load. He looked down nervously at the thick, disturbingly dark brown elixir with his mouth twisted apprehensively. The spasms had already started to herky jerk Jesse's veiny neck. He took a hot notice of Jay's reluctanctness with a keen side eye, and grabbed the worrywad by the tunic.
"Listen Jay, this is the one and only chance to hobknobbit with the fancy folk and ain't not a one of them are gonna be human. You show up like that," Jesse eyed Jay's repulsively plain, human form. Smooth skin, tuft of golden hair quaffed so, wobble bobber hanging to the left in the britches, "and they'll tear ya apart. Only commoners go to these things still human. So, plug your sniffer and chug the elixir!" It was a sort of slant rhyme that Jesse wished worked better, but he was worked up and his poet's wit was already starting to be lost to the beast vibrating beneath the skin. He turned around and walked a few steps like a haunted marionette.
Jay's simple mind wandered to the juicy loosey thoughts of loads of lusty ladies liberally licking all over his little lizard body.
"Yes... a lizard..." Jay mused. He plucked Jesse's cotton nose plugs off the alley cobble and corked those suckers deep in the olfactory. Sufficiently clogged, Jay threw back the thick brew bottle. It didn't exactly just slide out like he wanted, so he had to curl his lips around the rim and powersuck the goop out like slurping a mondo oyster through an oyster straw. That compression stressin' makes them mondo oysters sweet as a Sunday sunshine sunray shot down the funway. Oooh, and add a pinch of sea salt to the suck straw? Yeah, Jay was feeling it.
But he gagged anyway on the stuff. Imaging that delicious oyster scenario didn’t bend reality or anything like that. The sludge still tasted rancid. After toughing out a swallow, his vision vibrated. His tongue tickled. His teeth tottled. Even his bowels boggled (though that may not have been a result of the elixir). But yeah, Jay was feeling it.
Then the convulsions began, the complicated convulsion causing a calamity of chaotic cadences. Jay walked about the alley like a man afraid of cats learning to waltz at a cat factory. A non-existent centipede kept crawling up his spine looking for where it laid its non-existent eggs. Where are those juicy little eggs!? He managed to turn his sigogglin body towards Jesse.
Jesse was writhing on the ground in a pile of foam, which Jay hoped was his own. He was probably doing okay. That wonky whore witch promised the guys that the goop would transmute their tender forms into any animal they so desired, as long as they had thought the thought of that animal just right before they sucked it down. It was the sort of simple potion with a simple rule that you have no one to blame but yourself if things end up going crosswise, and as things were going crosswise, Jay was careful not to place any undue blame on the witch.
Jesse was moaning, but he was probably alright, or so Jay gave think for, until he worked his contorting legs over to the foam pile. Brushing away the the froth, well... Well, it wudn't a purdy site...
Jesse coughed some more foam out and then screamed, "I'M A FISH! I'M A FUCKING FISH! I CAN'T BREATHE, JAY! HELP ME, JAY! I'M A FUCKING FISH AND I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE!! HELP ME!"
Jay's own body kept shrinking and smoothing and lizarding into form, so there was really nothing he could do besides watch his friend flop and flail pathetically with his outrageously horrible animal choice. Plus, that was the driest alley in town. Even if Jay had they skills and know how to pull off such a maneuver, there wun’t no water within a donkey's reach. Jesse gasped his last gasp, his eyes bubbed out with a sobering look of fear of the great beyond in those big black pupils, and then he unceremoniously died. Immediately, thousands of rats and a few rat boys flooded from the gutterways and consumed Jesse's already rotting corpse. Only the pearly white bones remained.
"At least he picked a fish with a spine for what it's worth." Jay lizardly said in his shiny new gecko body. His focus was on the party. To live for his friend. To meet the fancy folk and have a poke with those folk and perhaps have a long, hardy smoke with those utterly fancy folk. He licked his eyeball with a gecko smile stretched across his face thinking of all the wonderful animal people he was about to schmooze with. With a pitty pat pat of his lizard flap legs, Gecko Jay was on his way.
Unfortunately, that whore witch sprung out from behind a meal barrel and scared the mid-level hell out of Gecko Jay. She stomped him flat so fast that he didn't even get to have his lifetime of cringe worthy social interactions flash before his eyes.
The rats knew to stay away from this one. Hell, even the rat boys weren't plumb stupid enough to mess with a whore witch when she's got a treasure inclutched.
She cackled that deepthroaty whore witch cackle we're all so familiar with and pocketed the Gecko Jay in an embroidered leather cooch pouch.
"Another fine, young, legal boy to add to my collection!"
pumpkinhead9000k on March 6th, 2021 at 05:59 UTC »
The world around me crumbling under capitalism.
Me: “Ribbit”.
imyourforte on March 6th, 2021 at 06:35 UTC »
I'd be a good frog. I'd hop on lily pads, but not too much so that I am not eaten. My tongue would be super long and I'd use it to impress female frogs. I'd make eating frog legs a sexual thing within my fellow frog community. Eventually I'd be a king. Nothing too big. Maybe a bog or a swamp. But it would smell nice. You can join. We can be frog friends.
Delicious-Hot-Dog on March 6th, 2021 at 06:45 UTC »
"Alright, now you drink it too." Jesse tossed the bottle to Jay, which he fumbled and nearly dropped the whole load. He looked down nervously at the thick, disturbingly dark brown elixir with his mouth twisted apprehensively. The spasms had already started to herky jerk Jesse's veiny neck. He took a hot notice of Jay's reluctanctness with a keen side eye, and grabbed the worrywad by the tunic.
"Listen Jay, this is the one and only chance to hobknobbit with the fancy folk and ain't not a one of them are gonna be human. You show up like that," Jesse eyed Jay's repulsively plain, human form. Smooth skin, tuft of golden hair quaffed so, wobble bobber hanging to the left in the britches, "and they'll tear ya apart. Only commoners go to these things still human. So, plug your sniffer and chug the elixir!" It was a sort of slant rhyme that Jesse wished worked better, but he was worked up and his poet's wit was already starting to be lost to the beast vibrating beneath the skin. He turned around and walked a few steps like a haunted marionette.
Jay's simple mind wandered to the juicy loosey thoughts of loads of lusty ladies liberally licking all over his little lizard body.
"Yes... a lizard..." Jay mused. He plucked Jesse's cotton nose plugs off the alley cobble and corked those suckers deep in the olfactory. Sufficiently clogged, Jay threw back the thick brew bottle. It didn't exactly just slide out like he wanted, so he had to curl his lips around the rim and powersuck the goop out like slurping a mondo oyster through an oyster straw. That compression stressin' makes them mondo oysters sweet as a Sunday sunshine sunray shot down the funway. Oooh, and add a pinch of sea salt to the suck straw? Yeah, Jay was feeling it.
But he gagged anyway on the stuff. Imaging that delicious oyster scenario didn’t bend reality or anything like that. The sludge still tasted rancid. After toughing out a swallow, his vision vibrated. His tongue tickled. His teeth tottled. Even his bowels boggled (though that may not have been a result of the elixir). But yeah, Jay was feeling it.
Then the convulsions began, the complicated convulsion causing a calamity of chaotic cadences. Jay walked about the alley like a man afraid of cats learning to waltz at a cat factory. A non-existent centipede kept crawling up his spine looking for where it laid its non-existent eggs. Where are those juicy little eggs!? He managed to turn his sigogglin body towards Jesse.
Jesse was writhing on the ground in a pile of foam, which Jay hoped was his own. He was probably doing okay. That wonky whore witch promised the guys that the goop would transmute their tender forms into any animal they so desired, as long as they had thought the thought of that animal just right before they sucked it down. It was the sort of simple potion with a simple rule that you have no one to blame but yourself if things end up going crosswise, and as things were going crosswise, Jay was careful not to place any undue blame on the witch.
Jesse was moaning, but he was probably alright, or so Jay gave think for, until he worked his contorting legs over to the foam pile. Brushing away the the froth, well... Well, it wudn't a purdy site...
Jesse coughed some more foam out and then screamed, "I'M A FISH! I'M A FUCKING FISH! I CAN'T BREATHE, JAY! HELP ME, JAY! I'M A FUCKING FISH AND I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE!! HELP ME!"
Jay's own body kept shrinking and smoothing and lizarding into form, so there was really nothing he could do besides watch his friend flop and flail pathetically with his outrageously horrible animal choice. Plus, that was the driest alley in town. Even if Jay had they skills and know how to pull off such a maneuver, there wun’t no water within a donkey's reach. Jesse gasped his last gasp, his eyes bubbed out with a sobering look of fear of the great beyond in those big black pupils, and then he unceremoniously died. Immediately, thousands of rats and a few rat boys flooded from the gutterways and consumed Jesse's already rotting corpse. Only the pearly white bones remained.
"At least he picked a fish with a spine for what it's worth." Jay lizardly said in his shiny new gecko body. His focus was on the party. To live for his friend. To meet the fancy folk and have a poke with those folk and perhaps have a long, hardy smoke with those utterly fancy folk. He licked his eyeball with a gecko smile stretched across his face thinking of all the wonderful animal people he was about to schmooze with. With a pitty pat pat of his lizard flap legs, Gecko Jay was on his way.
Unfortunately, that whore witch sprung out from behind a meal barrel and scared the mid-level hell out of Gecko Jay. She stomped him flat so fast that he didn't even get to have his lifetime of cringe worthy social interactions flash before his eyes.
The rats knew to stay away from this one. Hell, even the rat boys weren't plumb stupid enough to mess with a whore witch when she's got a treasure inclutched.
She cackled that deepthroaty whore witch cackle we're all so familiar with and pocketed the Gecko Jay in an embroidered leather cooch pouch.
"Another fine, young, legal boy to add to my collection!"