Mike Pence Falsely Takes Credit for Pfizer Vaccine, Is Promptly Told to F--k Off

As you’ve probably heard by now, over the weekend Donald Trump was projected as having lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden, in part due to his disgraceful response to the COVID-19 pandemic, wherein he effectively just let the virus spiral out of control, leading to the deaths of nearly 238,000 in the U.S. Because he’s mortifyingly delusional, though, he believes that (1) he still has a chance at being reelected, hence the refusal to concede, and (2) the news that Pfizer’s vaccine is more than 90% effective in early trials and may be available by the end of the year is somehow a credit to him.

Taking a break from tweeting clips about election fraud that were immediately flagged for spreading false information, a.k.a. the only kind of information he spreads, Trump tweeted: “STOCK MARKET UP BIG, VACCINE COMING SOON. REPORT 90% EFFECTIVE. SUCH GREAT NEWS!” Later Mike Pence took things a step further:

And because virtually everything out of this administration’s collective mouth is a lie, and an entire cottage industry of fact-checking has necessarily cropped up around it, Pence’s statement was immediately debunked—by Pfizer itself. Speaking to the New York Times, Dr. Kathrin Jansen, a senior vice president and the head of vaccine research and development at the company, said, “We were never part of the Warp Speed,” referring to the government’s effort to rapidly develop a vaccine. “We have never taken any money from the U.S. government, or from anyone.” As the Washington Post notes, back in July, the drugmaker agreed to partner with the government to distribute a vaccine, “leveraging what will be a massive, complicated effort run by the federal government to ensure that as many people as possible can be immunized.” But the actual developmental efforts had nothing to do with the Trump administration.

Of course, Trump & Co. aren’t ones for details or facts, so they’ll presumably be deploying people to take credit for the breakthrough throughout the week. If we were betting people—which we, of course, are not—we’d probably put a significant amount of money on first son-in-law Jared Kushner appearing on TV to call Pfizer’s success a testament to Donald Trump. (When and if he does, remember that a former volunteer on Kushner’s COVID-19 task force described the administration’s response effort as “like a family office meets organized crime, melded with Lord of the Flies. It was a government of chaos.” And also that in April, he crowed, as only the poster child for nepotism could, about taking back control of the public health crisis from medical professionals, and claimed that the country was at the beginning of its “comeback.”) Naturally, Ivanka has already taken to Twitter to credit the news to President Daddy:

Meanwhile, in the even dumber branch of the family, Don Jr. took a quick break from spreading conspiracy theories about voter fraud to weigh in on the vaccine news:

As Jansen also told the New York Times, she learned of the drug-trial results from an outside panel of experts just after 1 p.m. on Sunday—timing that had absolutely nothing to do with the election. “We have always said that science is driving how we conduct ourselves—no politics,” she said. Of course, if one were Don Jr., one would respond that that’s exactly what they want us to think and that it’s clear Pfizer is in bed with the “Lamestream Media” and other assorted figures hell-bent on taking down his father. Thankfully, there is only one Don Jr.—can you imagine if he were multiplying??—and none of us are him.