Pastor Who Often Asked Atheists “How’s That Working Out For You?” Dies of Suicide

Authored by friendlyatheist.patheos.com and submitted by messer119

Darrin Patrick, a megachurch pastor, author, and speaker, has died of an apparent “self-inflicted gunshot wound,” according to a statement from his church.

In 2016, Patrick… was fired from The Journey [a six-location megachurch in St. Louis he co-founded, TF] for what church officials said was misconduct, including “inappropriate meetings, conversations, and phone calls with two women” and a pattern of sinful conduct, including lying, abuse of power and lack of self-control.

He had a checkered past, says Religion News Service (RNS):

Patrick went through 26 months of “restoration,” which included spiritual and marriage counseling, ultimately resuming his religious work in a new job as a teaching pastor at Seacoast Church, a megachurch in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina.

A friend of his, Bob Oesch, told RNS during an impromptu remembrance that

… Patrick would often ask people who “lived without God in their lives”: “How’s that working for you?” “And that was a great way of getting people to see the value of putting God in their lives,” Oesch said. “I still call it ‘the Darrin question.’”

“A great way of getting people to see the value of putting God in their lives.” Well, sorry, I beg to differ. The question, if that’s how Patrick phrased it, has an unmistakable edge of judgment and condescension to it. It’s what you might ask a habitual drug user or someone with a chronic anger problem (if you didn’t mind coming off as a bit disagreeable). It’s not nearly the same as the neutral “What made you choose that path?” or “Tell me about the pros and cons of that.” Instead, “How’s that working out for you” is a tidy little bouquet of mild aggression and superiority, with a top note of amusement.

There is no lack of statistics about pastors and depression, burnout, health, low pay, spirituality, relationships and longevity — and none of them are good. According to the Schaeffer Institute, 70 percent of pastors constantly fight depression, and 71 percent are burned out. Meanwhile, 72 percent of pastors say they only study the Bible when they are preparing for sermons; 80 percent believe pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families, and 70 percent say they don’t have a close friend. The Schaeffer Institute also reports that 80 percent of seminary and Bible school graduates will leave the ministry within five years. It’s not clear how many commit suicide, but it is clear that pastors are not immune to it.

It wouldn’t be couth or kind to posthumously ask the deceased pastor how being a fervent fan of God has worked out for him, so instead I’ll just point out that the scourge of clinical depression hangs heavily over America’s clergy

Our hearts go out to Pastor Patrick’s loved ones — and to all people, in any profession and from any background, who struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts.

If that’s you, you don’t have to go it alone. Help is available.

TJ_McWeaksauce on May 10th, 2020 at 14:14 UTC »

At the bottom of the article is a link to this study.

From our recent research we did to retest our data, 1050 pastors were surveyed from two pastor's conferences held in Orange County and Pasadena, Ca-416 in 2005, and 634 in 2006 (This is a small local sampling to assess causes and motivations, not necessarily indicative of a national sampling.) 

Of the one thousand fifty (1,050 or 100%) pastors we surveyed, every one of them had a close associate or seminary buddy who had left the ministry because of burnout, conflict in their church, or from a moral failure. Nine hundred forty-eight (948 or 90%) of pastors stated they are frequently fatigued, and worn out on a weekly and even daily basis (did not say burned out). Nine hundred thirty-five, (935 or 89%) of the pastors we surveyed also considered leaving the ministry at one time. Five hundred ninety, (590 or 57%) said they would leave if they had a better place to go-including secular work. Eighty- one percent (81%) of the pastors said there was no regular discipleship program or effective effort of mentoring their people or teaching them to deepen their Christian formation at their church (remember these are the Reformed and Evangelical-not the mainline pastors!). (This is Key) Eight hundred eight (808 or 77%) of the pastors we surveyed felt they did not have a good marriage! Seven hundred ninety (790 or 75%) of the pastors we surveyed felt they were unqualified and/or poorly trained by their seminaries to lead and manage the church or to counsel others. This left them disheartened in their ability to pastor. Seven hundred fifty-six (756 or 72%) of the pastors we surveyed stated that they only studied the Bible when they were preparing for sermons or lessons. This left only 38% who read the Bible for devotions and personal study. Eight hundred two (802 or 71%) of pastors stated they were burned out, and they battle depression beyond fatigue on a weekly and even a daily basis. Three hundred ninety-nine (399 or 38%) of pastors said they were divorced or currently in a divorce process. Three hundred fifteen (315 or 30%) said they had either been in an ongoing affair or a one-time sexual encounter with a parishioner. Two hundred seventy (270 or 26%) of pastors said they regularly had personal devotions and felt they were adequately fed spiritually. (This is Key). Two hundred forty-one (241 or 23%) of the pastors we surveyed said they felt happy and content on a regular basis with who they are in Christ, in their church, and in their home! Of the pastors surveyed, they stated that a mean (average) of only 25% of their church's membership attended a Bible Study or small group at least twice a month. The range was 11% to a max of 40%, a median (the center figure of the table) of 18% and a mode (most frequent number) of 20%. This means over 75% of the people who are at a "good" evangelical church do not go to a Bible Study or small group (that is not just a book or curriculum study, but where the Bible is opened and read, as well as studied), (This is Key). (I suspect these numbers are actually lower in most evangelical and Reformed churches because the pastors that come to conferences tend to be more interested in the teaching and care of their flock than those who usually do not attend.)

WilliamW_12345 on May 10th, 2020 at 13:42 UTC »

"How's that working out for you" is a phrase that he thought would cause mental anguish for atheists who were down on their luck. But deep down he knew he was a hypocrite and was constantly asking himself that question. He always felt inadequate and religion feeds off of this neurosis. You always wonder if you "believe" enough or are "really saved" and it drives you into depression (if you dwell on it).

These people, they keep reading verses about hellfire even after they are "saved." They have to keep reminding their brain to be afraid of god because they know they are never going to meet him in this life. They hope they will meet him in the next, but they fear that he won't be there or he will turn his back on them because their faith wasn't strong.

Life without religion is the way out of this mindset. You get to live your own life and enjoy the time you have. Everyone dies but if you consider how our actions can influence everything that comes after us, we should be happy that we aren't cursed with trying to appease any fickle god, knowing that we made a difference in others lives with the short time we have on this earth.

ooddaa on May 10th, 2020 at 12:56 UTC »

It's working great, by the way.