[Update] Just found out husband fabricated entire life...

It's been a little bit over a year since I turned to this community as my life fell rather dramatically to pieces around me. My original post didn't get a ton of attention, but the replies I received helped me tremendously, and seeing where I am a year later may also provide some hope for those going through their own crisis. In particular, you helped me construct my initial list of immediate-to-do items, and put me on the right track to figure out how to extricate myself from the relationship.

The day I first posted here was the day I found out that my then-husband had lied and fabricated most of what I knew about him. Other things I did that day included teaching a class to 200 undergrads about 15 minutes after I found out for sure, and kicking off a day-and-a-half long job interview for the next stage in my career (a job which I somehow landed...).

What unfolded over the following three months can really only be described as living my way through my own version of a Lifetime movie. At some point I moved into an extended stay hotel, and as time passed I learned about the depths and breadths of the lies and deceit he'd used to both control me and get what he wanted, and the lengths he'd go to try and get his grip back on what he'd successfully manipulated his way through for about four years. What I know now -- and what I'm kind of glad I didn't really know then -- was that I wasn't actually as safe with him as I thought I was. So I'm thankful I managed to get out with only psychological/emotional/financial burden, and no physical trauma.

About two-and-a-half months later I successfully had my marriage annulled on the basis of Fraudulent Coercion to Marry. I ended up doing the necessary research and filing the paperwork myself -- which was not an easy task, but was both cheaper and faster than it was going to be if I hired a lawyer. A few weeks after the annulment I moved my belongings out of our apartment and moved to a new city and my new job. Without him, but with the kittens. As of late June I finally had him convinced that contacting me was pointless because he wasn't getting me back, and so I've been largely free to recover from the trauma and crisis mode I lived in for about three months.

One of the things I've learned from all of this is how incredibly difficult it is to get out of a relationship in a situation like this. Besides the obvious difficulty of navigating the legal system, and the cost associated with it, there's the cognitive dissonance of constantly trying to remember to relate to that other person in light of the new information you've found out about them. It really and truly took every life skill and tremendous support of my family and friends network to get out in (more or less) one piece. And even still the road to recovery and a return to thriving is a long one.

So...thanks to those who helped me back on that terrible day in January 2019. And if you know someone who is going through something like this, please offer whatever you can in support. Because they definitely need it!