Mom's telling me to stay quiet about my rape : legaladvice

Yesterday, I called a help line, confronted my ex who'd assaulted me, and told my sister and Mom. I turned 17 two weeks ago, and my ex is 16, (late birthday).

Thing is, for four months, I was in a relationship with this guy. We were close friends before we had gotten together, in fact, he was my only close friend. But two months ago, I had ended it. Since day one of when we had gotten sexually intimate, he would slap me across the face multiple times until my ears would ring, squeeze and slap my breasts until I felt I couldn't breathe, and have a lust for forcing his dick down my throat. Until I confronted myself two days, I remembered an important memory.

I had snuck out of the house one night and while we were getting intimate, he asked whether he could anal me. Before that, we done it once and only once because he would beg to and I had given in at that time. But since it had hurt like hell, that night I told him no. He still pushed it in, quick and hard, and I remember this searing pain in my lower abdomen, as if something around my anus had torn a little. I immediately pushed him away, but couldn't walk since it hurt. The next thing I remember is laying down, and him vaginally fucking me, and me saying either "Stop" or "slow down." He'd stop or slow down for a few seconds and then speed up again, and I would push him away from my legs, but he'd stare at me and bring me near him again. I was in tears and saying it hurt, but he brought his phone out and began to record me. Finally, I had mustered up enough strength to get up and walk, but I began to panic and had an anxiety attack. He watched me while I tried to calm myself down, and when I finally had, he asked whether he could get a blowjob. Feeling as if I was perhaps incompetent since he hadn't ejaculated yet, I tried to give him one, but my abdomen hurt, and my head was spinning, I felt like I'd throw up, so I said I had to leave.

He would regularly slap me during sex or when I'd give him oral (he never gave me oral because he said he wanted to wait until marriage, but also once said, "ew I'd never taste your cum, that's shit.") But on another night, in the middle of sex, his slaps got even harder. He was asking me whether I loved him, and when I'd say no or not reply, each slap began to hurt more. After the fourth slap, when I saw his hand coming towards me, I made the mistake of turning my face to the side to avoid it. But this ended up with his hand connecting with my ear and cheekbone, and I heard this deafening pop and crack. I kicked him away, got up, and felt my cheekbone sticking out weirdly every time I'd clench my jaw. I also couldn't hear properly for the next two days.

I still have the marks on my abdomen and around my nipples from where he'd dig his fingernails in, and I know it's my fault for not walking away sooner, for not saying "no" properly, for placing myself in those situations. But yesterday, after finally remembering these repressed memories, I called a help line and for the first time, recounted these events out loud. And after that, I made the decision to confront him. So I went to school half an hour later, as I'd stayed home yesterday, saw him in the hall, asked him why he was still talking shit (I've been hearing that he's been telling people how many times he'd "banged" me) and called him a rapist. Maybe others are gonna say it wasn't right to embarrass him like that, but seeing that crowd of people in my grade watching, being able to yell at him for not knowing what consent was, for forcing his dick up someone's ass, and all that, felt kind of freeing.

That same evening, I told my Mum, but not the entire story. Thing is, I come from a conservative family where a female has to remain a virgin until her marriage, otherwise she'll bring shame upon the family for generations. So I told her that he had halfway stuck his dick in my ass, that I'm still a virgin, that I had told him no, that he has slapped me multiple times until my ears hurt, and that the marks on me are from him.

And after hearing all that, she said, "but you're still a virgin, right?" She said it was my fault for putting myself in that situation, for trusting him, for not running away, and that she hates me for all of this, not him. My sister (13) was hearing all of this. She also said that there's no way she's going to the cops, and that if she does, my Dad has to know, but we both know that this would kill him. And that the only solution now is for me to get married as only a husband can protect me and save me from adultery. And that the law can't help me, and all of this is gonna get through to the public and ruin our lives. That I'm the eldest for four children and am going to ruin my siblings' lives.

I thought she was more educated than this, I expected her to hug me or say we'll get through this. But now neither her nor my sister are speaking to me.

At one point she said there was no point in going to the cops as there's no evidence. But I told her that the parking lot, at night, where the slaps went down, had cameras. Instead of her being glad we had something, she deflated and said that people must be watching it and seeing her husband's daughter shame him. That parking lot was actually of a Church being built at the time which is in my neighbourhood. She's afraid that if I bring this evidence forward to the police, then the people who built it are going to know. (They're the same people who built all the houses in the area, including ours, and my parents know the President of the company personally. He comes down here occasionally.) So to satisfy her, I lied to her that since it was still being built, the cameras couldn't have been installed --- but they were, I remember it.

I can't imagine myself looking back a year from now, and thinking I couldn't do anything about this. I'm also graduating early (January) and feel as if I'm running out of time, I don't know why. I just turned 17 and have a late birthday, so if the police get involved, inevitably my parents will too, right? I live in Ontario, Canada, if that helps.

I know I should've walked away, and four months of slaps, verbal shaming, was enough of a reason to, but I didn't. I know I'm gonna have to live with that, but I want to do something, fucking kill him, yell at my Mom and my sister for not talking to me. I just keep imagining that if I had a daughter and this happened to her, I'd make sure that fucker who did this to her gets punished.

If this even matters, my ex has gotten involved with the police before, but it was for getting in fights and stealing. Then being in a gang and drugs on the side, all that. We'd often have fights about my paranoia of him watching porn behind my back, as that explicit matter has always made me uncomfortable. I would often have these thoughts in my head of what kind of sick and twisted dominance he would jerk off to, that it translated into our relationship.

I see him during school everyday, high and mighty, without a care. I'm not sure what's gonna happen after that confrontation yesterday when I go to school on Monday. He's friends with a lot people, but I don't have many. I don't think I'm in danger or anything, but his friends have tried to stare me down during classes in the past. I've made an appointment with my counsellor to tell him this story, but say that it's my "friend" going through this, and see what he suggests. But this shit didn't happen to my friend, it happened to me, and I feel disgusted that I have to pretend in order to hear some sort of advice all because my family doesn't stand with me.

Maybe this is supposed to hurt more, but I feel pretty numb at the moment. It makes me think that maybe what happened isn't such a big deal.

Is it possible for the police, if they find out about this, to only contact my Mum and not my Dad? I live with both of my parents.

EDIT: there was also a few times where he wouldn't use a condom and stick it in. I'd tell him no, but I guess he thought it was just me trying to turn him on with "submissiveness". And the next day, out of being paranoid the entire night that I'd get pregnant, tell him to get Plan B, which he would. But the last two times, where the condom had broken, he'd try to convince me to there's no way I'd get pregnant, so there was no Plan B for that. I'm not pregnant or anything, but it's just scary to look back and think that I could've been.

EDIT: There were a few times where he'd bite down on my nipples too hard, despite me saying no, and at one point bit it quite harshly that part of it broke the skin. He also bit my thighs a few times, and recently, the mark of his teeth has faded away. That, and the regular bruises around my upper arms because he had an affinity for gripping me hard.