Why do people stay in unsatisfying romantic relationships? A new study suggests it may be because they view leaving as bad for their partner.
The study, being published in the November 2018 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, explored the possibility that people deciding whether to end a relationship consider not only their own desires but also how much they think their partner wants and needs the relationship to continue.
“The more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup,” said Samantha Joel, lead author. Joel, who was an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Utah and remains an adjunct professor at the U, is now an assistant professor at Western University in Ontario, Canada.
PHOTO CREDIT: University of Utah Download Full-Res Image
Co-authors of the study are Emily A. Impett, University of Toronto Mississauga; Stephanie S. Spielmann, Wayne State University; and Geoff MacDonald, University of Toronto.
Previous research shows the amount of time, resources and emotion invested in a relationship can be factors in deciding to end a romantic relationship. Studies also show that a person may opt to remain in an unfulfilling relationship if the alternative — being alone, the available pool of partners, etc. — seems less appealing.
In those cases, deciding to stay or go was based on self-interest, Joel said. But the new study shows the first evidence that decisions about an unsatisfying romantic relationship may involve an altruistic component.
“When people perceived that the partner was highly committed to the relationship they were less likely to initiate a break up,” Joel said. “This is true even for people who weren’t really committed to the relationship themselves or who were personally unsatisfied with the relationship. Generally, we don’t want to hurt our partners and we care about what they want.”
In making that choice, the unhappy partner may be hoping that the relationship will improve, Joel said.
“One thing we don’t know is how accurate people’s perceptions are,” Joel said. “It could be the person is overestimating how committed the other partner is and how painful the break up would be.”
Deciding to stay based on a partner’s perceived dependence on the relationship could be a double-edge sword, Joel said. If the relationship improves, it was a good decision. But if it doesn’t, a bad relationship has been prolonged.
There also is the question of whether staying for a partner’s sake is really a prosocial thing to do.
“Who wants a partner who doesn’t really want to be in the relationship?” Joel said.
Note: The full article is available from Professor Joel upon request.
Listen to Professor Samantha Joel explain the study’s findings:
Aegisium on October 23rd, 2018 at 04:12 UTC »
Any relationship should consider the needs of another, and not just oneself.
There are many reasons people stay in unsatisfying romantic relationships.Many parents will choose to raise their children together, despite personal issues.If one of the partners has a severe medical injury, often the other will stand by their side. It seems obvious that "People deciding whether to end a relationship consider not only their own desires but ...their partners wants and needs..."
kito99 on October 23rd, 2018 at 02:52 UTC »
Perhaps off topic (sorry in advance, mods if this is the case - I think a lot of people will self-identify in the hopes of looking for guidance); but from a Psychology standpoint, what would a professional approach to resolving this typically look like? Couples therapy or more of a self-development approach?
mvea on October 22nd, 2018 at 21:17 UTC »
The title of the post is a copy and paste from the first two paragraphs of the linked academic press release here :
Journal Reference:
Samantha Joel, Emily A. Impett, Stephanie S. Spielmann, Geoff MacDonald.
How interdependent are stay/leave decisions? On staying in the relationship for the sake of the romantic partner.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2018; 115 (5): 805
DOI: 10.1037/pspi0000139
Link: http://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fpspi0000139
Abstract
The decision to end a romantic relationship can have a life-changing impact on the partner as well as the self. Research on close relationships has thus far focused on self-interested reasons why people choose to stay in their relationship versus leave. However, a growing body of research on decision-making and prosociality shows that when people make decisions that impact others, they take those others’ feelings and perspectives into consideration. In the present research, we tested the prediction that people make stay/leave decisions prosocially, such that consideration for their romantic partner’s feelings can discourage people from ending their relationships. In Study 1, a total of 1,348 participants in romantic relationships were tracked over a 10-week period. Study 2 was a preregistered replication and extension of Study 1, in which 500 participants contemplating a breakup were followed over a 2-month period. Both studies showed that the more dependent people believed their partner was on the relationship, the less likely they were to initiate a breakup. These findings held above and beyond a variety of self-focused variables (e.g., investment model components; Rusbult, Martz, & Agnew, 1998). These results suggest that people can be motivated to stay in relatively unfulfilling relationships for the sake of their romantic partner.