Can someone advise me on whether lying and going against our directions are considered cause for firing a nanny? It is a bit complicated because I don't have a contract with her (just verbal) and pay her cash/personal checks. What is the best way to fire her without future legal issues?
A bit of extra background in case it helps you advise: In January, I hired a nanny to look after my son- while interviewing us she let us know that she was pretty religious and very involved in her church and that while she is christian, she follows all the jewish holidays. We had no issue with her beliefs or her need to have the holidays off. We aren't religious ourselves (atheists) and agreed with her that any religion talk would come from the parents only.
After she started with us, she let us know she was going to divorce her husband. After that, almost overnight her beliefs changed and became super radical. She started to wear a headscarf and skirts with leggings underneath, told me she didn't follow any holidays or birthdays. She also started preaching to me that "God comes first, then men, then women and then children--its just the way it is like you have to put the key in the ignition before starting a car" in an attempt to shame me for being the breadwinner for our family and making all the financial decisions and trying to get us to see her point of view. I politely let her know that I didn't agree with her and didn't want to discuss it. She keeps trying to push me to be a servant to my husband (her words). I've over heard her tell my 2 year old son "you're a boy and boys are strong. You have to be nice to girls and protect them because girls are weak" which angered me greatly because I don't want him to think girls are weak. I've overheard her praying out loud in front of my son ("please god, part the skies so we can walk to the car and stay dry") and asked her not to do it out loud. During her breaks she sits on the couch and takes notes while reading the Bible. I just found her YouTube channel where she is preaching to the internet and talking about eternal hell and trying to get people to "see the light" Honestly, it feels cultish and I'm getting scared of her zealousness paired with the escalation in her trying to impose her beliefs on us.
In addition to all this, we've caught her lying a few times but about super minor things that at the time we ultimately decided wasn't worth firing her over. (now I'm wishing we had) It seems to be that as her beliefs are changing, she is getting more bold and trying to convert other people.
This past Friday, I learned from my grandmother (who spent the day with my nanny and son) that the nanny is playing her religious music to my son when I'm not around. (I had asked her not to do that previously when I overheard it myself) She was also trying to actively shame my grandmother for wearing pants saying she is immodest while talking crap about me because I pretty much only wear pants and at the same time trying to convert my grandmother to whatever religion she is following in front of my son. She was shushing my son in order to preach and discuss her beliefs with my grandmother and continued to try to for a few hours over the course of the 8 hour day. She then asked my grandmother not to share any of this with me.
I'm now afraid that she is preaching to my son behind my back and have decided I can't trust her at all. I have a family member flying in on Thursday night to help out while I take time to find someone else. I don't want to give this woman advance notice because I'm afraid of her retaliating. At the same time, I also don't want to pay her for a 2 weeks when I let her go because I hate paying her anything when I'm having such an awful experience with her. Am I legally obligated to give her 2 weeks pay when I let her go? I will, of course, pay her for the time she has worked.
Please note, I am not firing her for her beliefs. I am firing her for teaching them to my son against my explicit wishes and lying about it (along with lying about a few unrelated minor things). I am afraid of her trying to claim I am firing her for her religion. Any advice on how to fire her in a way that will protect my family from a lawsuit her would be helpful too.
TLDR: Seeking advice on how best to fire nanny for imposing her religious beliefs on my 2 year old son and for being dishonest. Also wondering if I have to pay her 2 weeks pay severance when I do fire her.
bohorose on October 10th, 2018 at 17:45 UTC »
This just confirms my belief that care.com isn't any better than Craigslist. While OP's nanny didn't start out as a human red flag, there is still no vetting process. Anyone can be on there. My aunt is the last person I would trust with any sort of living organism has a care.com profile and she got jobs through that site. She even used an alias because of her record in both criminal and family court. It's harder to become an Uber driver.
Hopefully the nanny is all talk and not prone to action. Though I will admit to being paranoid, maybe because I've seen nearly every evil nanny lifetime movie. At least OP is mostly covered, at least when it comes to the firing part of things.
24-Hour-Hate on October 10th, 2018 at 16:16 UTC »
I just figured it out. LAOP's nanny converted to be a Jehovah's Witness. The no holidays or birthdays thing is big with them. The other stuff matches up based on what I know about them too. They have some serious beliefs about conversion (putting it lightly), so she'll never stop trying to convert LAOP's kid. It doesn't matter what LAOP does. Definitely needs to fire immediately.
RedoubtableSouth on October 10th, 2018 at 15:28 UTC »
I'd fire her too.
Religion is fine, but you don't get to teach it to someone else's young child, you don't get to try to convert your boss or their family members, you don't get to shame people for not following your religion, and you certainly do not get to disobey direct orders from your boss about your job.