Hey guys, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and the topic of marriage has been brought up a lot recently.
I really love her and she loves me back, we both want to get married.
My gf is VERY successful and she is required to travel A LOT for work. When we first started dating this wasn't a problem, I would just FaceTime her when she was gone and since we were just getting to know each other, we could easily spend weeks apart with no real concerns. But as our relationship grew she expressed how she really doesn't want to be alone in foreign countries, and how it would be great if I came with her.
Sounds amazing, right? It really is, and I had no problem leaving with her, but my employer at the time said "hey we can't have you taking vacation for 2 weeks every month, we need someone we can depend on."
So I spoke with my GF about it and that's when we decided to take a huge step forward in our relationship. I quit my job to travel the world with her, I moved out of my place and into her much nicer house/neighborhood. We agreed that I could be more beneficial to our life together if I stopped giving 8+ hours to my job that makes a fraction of what she makes financially. I help her take care of her kid, I help her clean, and do lots of other things that benefit our life, and that makes life so much better than an extra $2000 a month from my old job.
But when talking about marriage, the thought of divorce always is in my mind. I am okay with the fact that I gave up everything that I was working for, so I could help.
It wasn't much to give up, and if we broke up right now, I would be okay with having nothing.
However, in 25 years from now, I don't want nothing when I'm 50, and that's what scares me about divorce with a prenup. If I stayed working my shitty paying job until I was 50 I would at least have something
I know how this sounds to other people, I am lucky as fuck and I shouldn't feel entitled (I really don't) but it makes me scared.
I have expressed how I feel to her before and she says if I feel this way then I can get a job, but she doesn't want to have to travel alone and she really doesn't want that. She even said she wouldn't sign a prenup because she knows who I really am.
I don't know anything about prenups, but if we got divorced, I don't deserve half of what she has earned.
Can someone smarter than me please help me with my situation?
HopeFox on September 2nd, 2018 at 05:38 UTC »
It seems like LAOP was under the misapprehension that the only kind of prenuptial agreement was the kind that said "You get NOTHING, you LOSE, good DAY!" If he thought he had to choose between "get divorced at 50, have no savings and no work history for the last 25 years" and "get divorced at 50, get half of my wife's fortune that I in no way deserve", then I'm not surprised at his distress.
Luckily, that's not the case. IANAL, but I'd go for something like "if they divorce, she pays him enough to get him back to the salary of his old job plus inflation, until he starts earning that much again himself." I'm sure they wouldn't be the first couple in this situation, so it won't be a particularly strange pre-nup.
I'd advise her to go for something like that, no matter how much she trusts him, because it means that he'll never feel like he needs to stay with her for his own financial survival. That's not a good position for anybody to be in.
diabolicalchicken on September 2nd, 2018 at 05:21 UTC »
He seems like he has taken up the coveted position of house-husband. I just hope he doesn't minimize the value of his contribution to their life, what he does is valuable (cooking, cleaning etc)
alexthenotadragqueen on September 2nd, 2018 at 03:19 UTC »
This is tbh the sweetest “I want help with a prenup” question I’ve seen.