My local grocery store has a Mitch Hedberg quote displayed above the registers

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image showing My local grocery store has a Mitch Hedberg quote displayed above the registers

POOOOP_NEWS on July 12nd, 2018 at 01:36 UTC »

They should have his Banana proposition above the bananas:

With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the f** did you get that banana?'*

Larry_Mudd on July 12nd, 2018 at 02:47 UTC »

"You might have seen this next comedian at the store."

Hell yes, I have!

MarshallGibsonLP on July 12nd, 2018 at 03:49 UTC »

Someone said to me, “here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is a picture of you when you’re younger.

“Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” Shit, where did you get that camera.